There's no place like home...

Why did Dorothy so desperately want to return home? She was in an awesome magical wonderland full of amazing creatures and new friends. There were bright colors everywhere with people constantly singing and dancing. Sure there was the whole ordeal with the 'wicked witch' but honestly, who doesn't have a trial or two to face every once and awhile?

After a brutally honest conversation with my sister (in which she told me she felt as if she didn't have a home) I began to wonder where I consider home. Is it Seattle where I spent the first 12 years of my life? Or perhaps North Carolina where I spent the next 12 years? Or is it New York City, where I work, pay bills, have friends and generally live my life now?

As the child of divorced parents, we no longer own either of the houses my siblings and I grew up in. I don't have the luxury of traveling back to North Carolina, swinging open the door to a house I've always known, putting my suitcases in my trophy filled room and laying on the bed I've always had. On the contrary, I'm usually sleeping on a couch or in a guest bedroom. I had to throw away all my trophies, wall hangings and paint over the silly colored walls of my childhood.

When physically, your home is gone, what's the next step?

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you"- Christian Morganstern

"Homes really are no more than the people who live in them" -Nancy Reagan

I think for the first time in my life, I feel somewhat the same as my sister. We are homeless; but only in the sense that we physically do not have the home we've always had. Even though I would love nothing more for us to still own that beautiful house on Whitehall Way in Cary, NC, we don't. And to be honest, that's OK.

I was spending so much time trying to figure out where my official home was located, that I never really stopped to realize- who cares? I don't have to have a home right now (I'm in a transitional period for heaven sakes!!) However, I am lucky enough to have a bunch of 'mini homes' instead.

What are 'mini-homes' you ask? Simple. Anywhere that memories are woven into the scenery. Where friends or family still lives, or any place that brings a smile to your face thinking of stories from your past. A place where people greet you with a warm embrace; help you celebrate successes, comfort you in losses and generally love you for who you are.

So far, I have 'mini homes' in Renton, Cary, Greenville and New York City. Shame on me for feeling as if I had to choose one home... every person I've met along the way, in all my mini homes, has helped shape me into the delightfully odd person I am today. I am so lucky!

One of these days I'll have the amazing opportunity to create my own home with my future husband. We will own the property, decorate how we like, raise a family, make all new friends, and I will be proud to announce to the world that my list of homes is growing!

I think Dorothy and I had it all wrong. The tragedy is not 'not being/having a home'. The tragedy is not appreciating and celebrating all the 'mini homes' in your life.


Here we go....

Yesterday my mission papers were officially turned in!

For those of you who haven't heard yet, I have decided to serve a mission for my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints)! It will be a 18 month commitment with letters and emails once a week as my only ways of communication with y'all!

This mission could not have come at a better point in my life. I have seen God's blessings pour over me as I have prepared my papers and know that this is what I am supposed to do. When something feels this right it would be a crime against myself not to follow it.

I will find out where I will be going within the next few weeks and when I will be leaving. It could be as early as the 2nd of January or anytime after that!

In preparing for this, and a mixture of other recent occurrences in my life, I have really come to be excited about life again. We literally have NO IDEA what tomorrow will bring, and I can choose to let that terrify me, or I can choose to let it free me.

I don't know who i'm going to marry (no matter how hard I continue to guess), I have no idea where I will be spending the next 2 years of my life. I don't know what I will want to do after those 2 years.... but who cares?

Life is a game, life is a trial, life is love, life is a means to an end, life is a blessing. It's time I started reminding myself of this... i'm not a victim to life. I'm a player :)


Indifferently different

Our differences can be demanding. They can be our strengths, our weaknesses, our likes or dislikes, our passions or our life long goals; in the end however, we are all set apart by something. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "We all boil at different degrees."

This was especially made aware to me today during a fireside devotional held at church. Observing my surroundings, I realized there were so many different kinds of people in the small chapel with me. As the opening hymn began, I especially took note of the small deaf community signing in the left- front corner. As we sang "all creatures of our God and King, lift up your voice and with us sing, Alleluia! Alleluia!" they were signing as triumphantly as I was singing. The more I watched them, the more joy I threw into my singing. In that instance, our vast differences seemed so small.

The speaker then talked about heroes. What makes a hero? He listed a lot of things such as:
1. You must not view yourself as a hero.
2. You must believe in something that's bigger than yourself with all your heart.
3. You're willing to put others in front of yourself.
4. You are prepared to do whatever it takes, no matter what.

However, what came to my mind was simpler than all of those wonderful things above. A hero is different. A hero stands firm in what sets them apart at the appropriate time to do so.

All in the course of an hour and a half I learned a very valuable lesson. Our differences don't hurt us. They bind us in a sense that can only make us exceptional, if we let it. We are all a piece of the puzzle; and allowing someone the spotlight, for a moment, simply means we are supporting them in their time to let their differences shine.

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." -Tony Robbins



Over the past few months I've had the opportunity to attend a couple very amazing concerts. Even though I wasn't a die hard fan of either of these musicians, it was a unique and wonderful opportunity to see them live.

Where: Yankee Stadium, Brooklyn NY
It was the first time i'd ever been to a rap concert. At first, I fell completely out of place, and then Eminem came out onstage. Here's a video of his entrance. He was like a boxer going into the ring for the biggest fight of his life. He was mesmerizing, passionate, and incredibly articulate while performing. Here are some crappy pictures I took with my cell phone Hahaha...

Kanye West joined Eminem wearing a red jumpsuit, a huge clock and something leopard print. He's talented but so very odd.
Naturally Beyonce appeared to sing a duet with her husband Jay-Z. She was absolutely stunning!
I gained a whole new appreciation and love for these artists during this concert, and developed a huge crush on Eminem. Trust me when I say, he was the best performer i've ever seen live.

2. Elton John and Leon Russell
Where: Beacon Theatre, NYC
My dear friend Martha works for Good Morning America. They were doing a segment with Elton John an Leon Russell who were promoting their newest cd together. Martha called me up and asked if I wanted to see Sir Elton John in concert. DUH! The only catch was that it was at 6am... not a problem in my book.

They were performing on Good Morning America so the 'gang' was all there to do interviews and enjoy the show.

Leon Russell is older than dirt, and takes about 5 minutes just to walk across the stage. He said about 5 words the whole concert, but when it came time to Rock n' Roll, he sure brought it to the table. I want to be as passionate about something when i'm that old.



I'm an animal lover. From the moment I was able to cognitively form an opinion until my Junior year of high school, all I wanted to be was a veternarian. Even though my career goals have shifted, my love for animals is still in tact. 

Growing up my sister and I both had rodents: a guinea pig, rabbit, hamsters, and mice. Needless to say, seeing a rat in the NYC subway station hardly phases me (if I saw a spider though, I would have a mild heart attack).

Recently while I was laying on my bed, talking to my Mom on the phone, I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. 
"Hold on Mom... there's something in my room"
"There's someone in your room!?!?"
"No Mom, I saw something move and I think...yup... I just saw him again. I have a mouse in my house."
"Aww a mouse! You can name it Tom!"
And this is how Tom entered my life. I now see him several times a day and I'd be lying if I said I was grossed out. I know it's unsanitary (and the thought of not minding a little mouse makes people look at me like i'm some kind of a freak) but he's harmless and cute and i'm a little lazy. However, once the roomates found out they freaked out.  

Katie suggested a sticky trap- I denied. Those traps are completely inhumane! They make the mouse suffer and starve to death. Lauren suggested poison. The last thing I wanted was the mouse eating poision and dying somewhere not to be found. 

So alas, I went to the hardware store today and looked at the options. We could either catch and release him, or use a snap trap. The clerk at the store said if I release Tom into the wild (and by wild I mean Central Park) he will find his way back to his family, and inevitably back into my apartment. I don't know if I believe this guy- he hardly looked like a rodent expert, but his guess was better than mine. 

I have no idea what I was thinking a snap trap looked like- but I was not expecting my life to suddenly become a Ben and Jerry cartoon. I guess with our technology constantly improving, I  am always shocked to find things that have stayed the same. Did you know that snap traps literally still look like this?
I bought a couple packs of them, and made my way home, suddenly feeling very sad. I know Tom shouldn't be in my apartment but is killing him really the answer? Lauren helped me set the trap up in my room, on a piece of newspaper, with some blue cheese seductively crumbled in the prime spot. Lauren could see I was a little distraught.

"I've been thinking. Instead of Tom why don't we call the mouse Bin Laden."

"Bin Laden?" I replied.

"Yea- that way you won't feel so bad about killing him. We're just gonna kill Bin Laden."

So here it is: Bin Laden (the mouse) just like Bin Laden (the terrorist) is being hunted by Americans and is nowhere to be found.


My future husband.

Lately i've been thinking about my future. It will hopefully encompass a lot of things like a mission, marriage, career, kids, grand kids.... I could go on and on (don't worry, I won't).

Let's face it: we are constantly bombarded with 'Carpe Diem-like quotes' such as:
'Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind of the present moment'. -Buddah

I understand and embrace the idea of living in the present (one of my last blog posts was about it).  However, I don't think it's harmful every once and awhile to get excited about the future. I find it a useful way to remain motivated through the journey. 

One night during this 'day-dreaming' I began thinking about my future husband. What will he look like? What will his passions be? Will he love me as much as I know i'll love him? Questions flooded my mind as I began the descent into sleep; but before I entered the realm of dreams, I remember thinking one distinct thought. 

It's going to be so wonderful falling asleep with your arms around me.

I can't spend my life yearning and crying over what I don't have. It's pointless and destructive. That doesn't mean however, that I have to be thrilled going to bed alone every night. There are some things in life that will inevitably be better when he's around, and I think it's healthy to acknowledge that.

So wherever you are, future husband, I can't wait for you to come into my life. I know that having you will not solve all of my problems. It will, however, make a lot of things abundantly sweeter :)



This is what Mormons believe... love.


Mormon Mafia

Every Mormon knows the phrase "Mormon Mafia". And if you're a Mormon and you've never heard it... shame on you.

The last time I used the phrase was to explain why 12 men in shirts, ties, and name tags showed up to help me and my roomates move into our new apartment. 

My friend Sam was excited that he almost had enough people for a baseball team called 'The Elders', until I explained to him that missionaries couldn't just go play baseball whenever they wanted. We all had a lot of laughs about the Mormon's always having other Mormon's backs etc etc. 

This didn't become a truly touching phrase until tonight.

I was cut early at work and could have easily left at 11pm. However, I saw my friend Andre get slammed with several tables and decided to go help out and take an order for him. I approached a table of 6 women and cheerfully asked if they were ready to order. Before anyone could speak, one of the girls said "are you wearing a CTR ring?" (For all you non Mormon's out there, these initials stand for Choose The Right- it's kind of the Mormon version of What Would Jesus Do.)

"Yes!" I replied.
"Are you Mormon?"
"I am!" I said enthusiastically. "Are y'all?"
"We are!"

They were from New Mexico on their 10th annual girls weekend, visiting one of their friends who lives here in New York City. They were so excited to hear about my life in the city and were even more thrilled at the news that I am currently preparing to serve a mission.(Surprise for those of you who don't know yet!)

When Andre approached the table, they gushed about how much they loved me and at the end of the evening, after they had paid, they left me an extra $10 and wrote "Good Luck!" on the check. The eldest of the ladies came right up and gave me a huge hug, kindly whispering "good luck with everything!" in my ear. 

It almost made me cry. I felt so incredibly loved at that moment. Loved by 6 women I had just met and probably will never see again.

I love my Mormon Mafia.


"They don't understand, do they?"

I was talking with my wonderful sister on the phone today about living life.

Her explanation is to pack as many things into your life as possible. To see it all rather than miss anything. She said "This life is full of so many amazing things that I won't be able to experience once mortality is over. I want to experience it all!"

I used to feel this way too. In some ways, I agree. We have only one chance at life, shouldn't we make the most out of it? However, this is where I feel a line needs to be drawn. You see, life isn't only about the big moments. If we define living by the 'finish lines' we cross, then we are missing the point. We are missing the journey.

In the play "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder, a woman who is taken well before her time, pleads for one chance to go back to her life. Although the narrator warns her of the consequences she chooses to return anyway. It's her birthday (no monumental day in the scheme of her life) and she is slowly distraught by how we living beings brush over the minute details in our lives. Here is an excerpt from the play when she becomes so frustrated by how non-challant her mother is acting towards her, she decides to leave:

"Emily: I can't! I can't go on! (sobs a moment) It goes so fast. We don't have time to look at one another. I didn't realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed?
 Take me back- up the hill- to my grave. 
But first: Wait! One more look! 
Goodbye world! Goodbye Mama and Papa- Goodbye to clocks ticking- and my butternut tree! and Mama's sun flowers- and food and coffee- and new ironed dresses and hot baths- and sleeping and waking up! Oh earth, you're too wonderful for anyone to realize you! Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it- every, every minute?

Stage Manager: (Quietly) No- Saints and poets maybe- they do some.
Emily: They don't understand- do they?
Mrs. Gibbs: No dear. They don't understand."

My point is, how easy is it to let our lives be defined by the big accomplishments? How often do we let them overshadow the true meaning of living? The sun flowers, the food and coffee- and new ironed dresses and hot baths and sleeping and waking! 

Please do not misunderstand; of course our Bucket Lists, goals, dreams and aspirations should be worked for and sought after. These accomplishments should be cherished and acknowledged. However, next time you wake up and take a deep breath, or smell bacon cooking on the stove, or feel the raindrops on your face; take a moment to pay homage to what you are experiencing. You, in that moment, are living.


Chain letters....

Tagging someone to fill out a survey, to me, is like a chain letter used to be. I have projected the idea that it's bad luck not to fill them out. So here it goes! This one is from Mishy's blog!

1. Milk Chocolate or dark chocolate?
 Milk. milk. milk. Dark chocolate tastes like i'm eating dirt.

2. What's your favorite color?
Green (although i'm loving purple right now!)

3. Do you have any creative hobbies?
Yes! I love to write music (you can youtube some of my videos on youtube!) play the guitar and piano, and love writing in general. I love painting- even though i'm really bad at it, and think decorating for the seasons on a strict budget is a creative hobby in and of itself!

4.What was your favorite subject in school?
Chorus class for 2 reasons: I always had a crush on someone in that class, and I love to sing! Also english- nothing better than a debate after reading a book!

5.What is your favorite season and why?
There is no way I can choose. Right now it's fall- because it's fall. Here are some of the reasons I love all 4...

Summer- the 4th of July is my favorite Holiday, swimming, camping, vacations, Mr. Softee truck in NYC, free outdoors events

Fall- the leaves changing colors, the smell of a crisp morning, awesome holidays, fall tv returns

Winter- snow snow snow! 

Spring- no more snow! no more snow! Flowers, and rain

6. Who inspires you to sing like crazy when no one is around?
Any act 1 ballad from a musical, any current popular favorite :)

7. What's your favorite dessert? Can you make it?
Pie and Vanilla Ice cream. Heck no.

8. How did you learn to cook?
Still haven't.

I'm not tagging anyone!



Just a quick update on the alien that's been growing on my head:

Yesterday I went to the doctor and even though my appointment was at 2pm, I wasn't seen until 4:15. Also, tack on another 35 minutes of waiting because I arrived early for my appointment. I explained my condition to the 5th year resident and she consulted with 'the boss'. After the boss examined me, they discussed and came to the conclusion that they were going to make an incision, extract as much of the liquid inside as possible and then see me again in a week. After that there will be two options: leave it alone because it's healing properly or go in for a 'O.R.- IV in the arm- passed out- surgery' to remove the whole thing. Lets all pray it's option 1, for my bank accounts sake. She stuck 4 needles in my head and pumped it full of anesthesia and placed a cloth over my head only leaving a 3 inch radius open where the wound was. It wasn't painful this time (except for the needles) and it took less than 30 minutes to finish. 

I felt fine, made an appointment for next week, and went outside on the steps to call my mom. As I was talking to her, tears started flowing down my face. I started giggling and said "I don't know why I want to cry, but I do!" I proceeded to giggle myself into a cab (I wasn't going to walk 35 blocks home under the influence of anesthesia) and half way home started crying again because I saw a man carrying roses and thought to myself 'I wish someone would bring me roses!' Friends started calling me and laughing because their Mormon friend Courtney was finally understanding what it felt like to be drunk (except from anesthesia). I don't remember a lot of what I said, but I do remember dear, sweet Krista coming over to take care of me and us having a lot of laughs about nothing. Oh the wonders of modern medicine!


Oy vey!

Two years ago, while doing a show called The Boyfriend, I developed what the doctors thought was an ingrown hair (from wearing wigs). It is on the left side of my forehead along my hair line. It's basically been a non-growing lump that just sits there. I got it checked out a year and a half ago by a dermatologist who said it would not cause any problems, I could get it removed if I wasn't happy with how it looked. 

Well, she was wrong. Now it's infected (I guess), has tripled in size, and has swollen the entire Left Side of my head. I look like Frankenstein. It gives me a constant headache and can't be touched without throbbing with pain. I went to the ER yesterday where they took a sample (by sticking a huge needle in it), dried to squeeze the puss out of it, and then told me to come back Thursday to remove it. I have never felt such pain in my life!! Then again, Ive never given birth. 

Basically- my head hurts, there is a huge lump on the left side of it that is causing everything else to swell  (I can't raise my left eyebrow) and I don't have any insurance. Life is great right now.


Fall, a fake, and family history!


I absolutely love the fall. There is something in the air as the weather starts to cool down that excites me! Labor Day weekend was a wonderful start to cooler weather with a beautiful cloudless and sunny sky. I don't think it got past 78 degrees either! Before work I sat on one of the benches on riverside drive (which is located along the Hudson river all the way down the West side of Manhattan) and read a book. Such a great day!

As I was walking home from work the other day, I happened to look to my left and saw this:

I literally glanced over, did a double take, walked half a block laughing to myself, turned around, and walked back to take a picture. It's not real (obviously) it's a cardboard cut out of a baby. Sigh- oh New York City.

I've been watching episodes of the TV show Who Do You Think You Are? recently and have fallen in love with it! For those of you who don't know, this show takes a celebrity (like Spike Lee) and helps them uncover their family history. There is always some kind of mystery that is solved by the end of the show. It's heart warming, entertaining and a little bit of a history lesson at the same time. They have all 7 episodes on Hulu and are returning in the fall for more! 


Random thoughts...

I am so glad that it is September! 

I really do have an appreciation for all seasons, but Fall is quickly turning into my new favorite!! I love the trees changing colors, the fall clothes, Football season, Halloween and Thanksgiving. Sigh... it makes me excited just thinking about it!

There is still no sign of my disappearing fish- i've left the tank full of water in hopes that he will teleport back into it.

Lately i've been very grateful for true friends.  It's hard to come by a group of people who will continue to inspire you, love you, and support you. I feel like right now I have a great group of people surrounding me. Some friends come and go (which doesn't mean your love for them dies, it simply means they were meant for a season of your life) but if you're lucky, you'll have a few that continue to stick around. 

I really have an appreciation for my family and the relationship I have with them as well. My brother and sister are out of this world awesome and my parents/ step parents show me so much love it's hard to imagine getting through this life without them!

Hope everyone is having a great week and is excited for Labor Day!


Overview of the past 2 days...

Last night I had the most wonderful dream.

 I was at church being introduced to a man. I asked him what his favorite sport was as we walked to Sunday School. "Baseball" he replied. 

"Ooh right answer! I'm gonna keep you around for awhile! " I flirtatiously responded.

Next thing I know we are in some room with a group of people and we are holding hands and then I remember us cuddling.

I felt such happiness during that whole dream. As I opened my eyes and rolled over the feelings quickly faded to annoyance as I realized it was all just a dream.
Then I laid in bed the whole day and felt sorry for myself HAHAHA!

Also I finished watching the whole series Veronica Mars on Hulu. Such a good show and it's such a shame it was pre-maturly canceled. The last episode is such a let down!

 Last but not least, I fell down the stairs yesterday at work. It was an odd way to fall but let's just say the wind was knocked out of me and I now have a bruised elbow, bruised rib and my whole left hip hurts hahaha. I am so clumsy sometimes! The minute I got up I started giggling. What's wrong with me ? 



At the beginning of August I was able to take a wonderful 10 day vacation to help pick my sister up from her Mission in Rochester NY. It was a great experience and here are a few random pictures from along the way!

*I met my Mom and David in Philly to tour some of the historical sites. Here we are waiting for our turn to tour Independence Hall.

         *Here is the Liberty Bell:

*Our trip was filled with lots of laughing and way to much silliness! When you get my brother, sister and I together, we act like a bunch of 12 year olds!! Here is David in the hotel room trying to go to sleep. I was laughing so hard I was crying at the way he sleeps...

(Sorry the angle is weird)

*After Philly, we all drove up to NYC and stayed in my apartment! I showed the family around NYC including a Yankees game (our family hates the Yankees but it was the Sox vs. Yankees game... who is gonna say no to that?), Little Italy for dinner, and Times Square at night!

As you can see David and I are wearing our Mariner's hats. Can't ever take the chance that someone might get confused where our allegiance lies!

*Corrine had just wrapped up 18 months of serving the people of Rochester for an LDS mission. Basically meaning she spends 18 months preaching the word of God and helping those in need. She only can email once a week and isn't allowed to go to the movies, listen to popular music etc... She literally was in full 24/7 service of God!  The cool thing about this trip was that Corrine didn't know my Mom and Dad were coming. She thought that David and I were picking her up. So after David and I arrived at the Mission President's house and had our reunion, we led Corrine to the cars with her luggage, only to be surprised by my Mom and Dad hiding behind the side of the house!! This is her surprise face as she screamed out "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Dad and Corrine newly reunited!!

Here is a picture of Corrine and I in the car on the way to the church historical sites. Corrine served at the Whitmer farm, Palmyra, and the Sacred Grove (which includes the Smith family farm). It was great because she got to take us on our own personal tours!

                                                                                                David and I on top of the Hill Cumorah!

Here is a picture of Corrine in the Sacred Grove. I'm so thankful for my wonderful sister and the example she is to me. What a truly wonderful woman she has become!!

After seeing the sites, we drove back down to North Carolina. I was able to spend 4 more days there and visit with my family and a few friends. Overall it was a wonderful (and much needed) vacation from New York City!


The Curious Case of Faux

A few months ago, while reading Harry Potter, my fish BJ died. It was a short period of mourning seeing as how the next day I found a Petsmart in Manhattan and set off to buy a new fish.

She caught my eye immediately. As I looked at her, she swam up to me and met my finger on the glass. I was sold. Due to her bright red color and appealing 'good nature' I named her Faux, after Dumbledore's pheonix in Harry Potter. 

The past couple months have been filled with joy having Faux in my life. I spent the last 1o days out of town and asked my roommate Katie to feed her while I was absent.

Upon my return, Katie met me with a guilty expression.

"I've got some bad news"

"What is it?" I 

"I think I killed Faux"


"I realized this morning that I hadn't fed Faux since Friday so I ran out of bed into your room and... well... she wasn't there."

"What do you mean?"

"I put some food in the bowl hoping she'd re-appear, but she didn't and I think she may be dead"

"Hmmm..." I thought out loud, "It's ok Katie, it's a $5 fish and I bet she is just hiding in the rocks at the bottom of the bowl."

As I entered into my room, the bowl was seemingly empty. I shook the bowl, moved some of the rocks around, and finally dumped the contents out into the kitchen sink. 
Katie and I moved all the furniture in my room around (fearing Faux may have jumped out of the bowl). 
We asked my other roommate Lauren if she knew anything about this weird situation. 

My fish has literally accomplished the sole thing I would devote my life to: teleportation.


Flirtations and Famous people


I get off work Wednesday around 5pm and am making my way across Broadway when I make eye contact with a man walking his bicycle down the street. It wasn't a magical moment by any means and I was exhausted from work, so imagine my surprise when the man with the bicycle fastly approaches my left side.

"Please just smile for me"
Is this seriously his pick up line?

I smiled and continued walking- he followed.

"Ah you're gorgeous! Are you from here?"

"No I'm from North Carolina, but i've been here in the city for 2 years now" I replied.

"Well I was born here but raised in Italy my whole life, and I could have sworn you were a Swedish girl, cause they're the most beautiful in the world"
What gave it away smooth talker? My obviously dyed blonde hair?

"Hmm well i've never gotten that before-" and before I could finish my sentence he pulls his phone out of his pocket and points it at me.

"Come on, give me your number"

"I'm sorry. I won't give you my number for 2 very good reasons. First of all, i'm in a relationship and I don't think my boyfriend would like that (lie) and second of all, I don't give my phone numbers out to random strangers on the streets of NYC."

"Ok, well take my number then"

In an effort to speed this process up as soon as possible, I agreed and took down his name and number. Sam is his name and he didn't stop there.

"You should call me. I'm sexy, i'm good looking, I know how to please a woman and treat her right" 

"Ohhh. Great" I said, wishing more than ever to be out of this conversation.

"Listen" says Sam. "I don't wish for many things, but I sure wish you would call me tonight"

As soon as he said this I tried my hardest to refrain from rolling my eyes and stuck out my hand for a 'good-bye shake'.

"It was nice meeting you Sam".

He grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a hug, which I consented to. Then on the way out of the hug he kissed me on the cheek, took me by the shoulders, and tried to kiss me on the lips!? Seriously!?

I turned and walked away only to hear him calling after me "call me tonight, I'll be waiting!"



The celebs must be in desperate need of attention, because they have been swarming my neighborhood for the past 2 days. Lists of people I've seen so far:

For 2 days, that ain't bad eh?


The Red Carpet

Today some girlfriends and I were able to go to the Red Carpet Premiere of the new Will Ferrell and Mark Walberg movie 'The Other Guys". 

The girls were approached a week ago to be seat fillers for the premiere and 
of course we all said YES! NYC premiere's are usually done in 2 locations. Either at The Ziegfeld or The Lincoln Square Theatre. 
                                                                                                                    (This one was at The Ziegfeld)
We lined up around the back of the theatre and were given
small cards that had the number of people in our party on them.
Then when the time came closer to enter, we were given our actual tickets. They were lamenated with our assigned seat number on them- so exciting! We all filed into the gorgeous theatre where the concession stands were giving away free sodas, popcorn, pretzels, and water bottles!

The girls and I were on the very front row and had a blast! We didn't see any celebrities before the movie, however after was a celebrity jackpot!
As we filed into the lobby afterwards, there was Mark Walberg and Will Ferrell themselves taking pictures, and signing autographs! I'm not a big fan of asking people for either, so I simply walked by and smiled to myself. Man I would love to be a movie star. We also saw Star Jones (who isn't in the movie) and a few other members of the cast!

(Me holding up my ticket)                

The movie was pretty good. Definitely funny, however I can't say it would be worth the $13 ticket in the movie theatre. This one is perfect for Netflix!

Here is a link to the pictures of the actual Red Carpet. It's crazy to think I was chillin in the movie theatre with these guys!

Two Down and forty one to go!

Yesterday I completed another thing off my bucket list... to become a blonde! 

So far I can say i'm loving it, but the question at hand is- do blonde's really have more fun?


"How can people be so heartless,
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be Hard
Easy to be Cold

How can people have no feelings,
How can they ignore their friends,
Easy to be proud,
Easy to say no."

I don't understand what makes us innately prone to hurt other people. We are selfish, rude, awful people sometimes. Recently I've been made actutely aware of how people hurt others in all facets. Whether it's a snide remark to a spouse, or an unnecessary chastisement of a child, physical or mental abuse, gossiping, judging looks... it all helps make this earth miserable.

I'm going to try really hard over the next week to choose love. 

It's going to be hard, but I don't want to contribute anymore evil and heartache to this world than there already is.



Favorite Scripture of the moment:

Mosiah 4:27 (In the Book of Mormon)

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

It got me thinking of some very key things:

1. What are my "prizes"?

2. Are they worth a diligent and sometimes slow journey to achieve?

3. Why is it so hard to live a balanced life? It is true after all, the saying "by small means are great things accomplished".


The Merchant of Venice

Every summer The Public (a very reputable theatre company in NYC) puts on a couple of free shows--one of which is usually a Shakespearean piece-- for the good people of New York, appropriately called Shakespeare in the Park

It takes place in Central Park in a gorgeous outdoor amphitheatre which over looks the lake and a castle. 

Tickets are insane to get ahold of. If there is a big celebrity name in the show, it's nearly impossible to accomplish obtaining good tickets. Because they are completely free, you have to wait in line or buy them off of scalpers for outrageous sums. 

One of my best friends Aaron Pratt and our mutual friend Wes Curtis waited in line starting at 10:30pm Thursday night, for tickets to be given out for the Friday night show, the following morning at 11am. By the time they found their place in the line, it was already 3 blocks long! They spent the night on the streets of New York to get these tickets!?

I was most graciously asked to attend as Aaron's date (you are allowed up to 2 tickets per person) and hastily agreed. It only runs for 1 more week and I certainly don't want to wait in line all night for my own ticket!

The show? Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice.

Some of the cast?

I met the boys at the entrance to Central Park, we entered the beautiful auditorium and found our seats with 10 minutes till top of show. About 15 minutes into the show, clouds started rolling in with a lot of thunder and lightning. Withing minutes the rain began pouring down and the show was "paused" until further notice. The four of us pulled out our umbrellas and huddled together during what felt like a mini hurricane! It was pouring rain, thundering, lightning and the wind was howling: we were soaked! We waited it out (thankfully) and were happy to find that one hour later, Al Pacino came back on stage and started with the same line he'd finished with. Of course this was met with a huge applause from the audience and a smile from him :)

The show was phenomenal, the set was breathtaking and innovative, and Al Pacino's acting brought tears to my eyes several times. More than anything, I was shocked to find how much I like the show itself. I had never read nor seen a production of this show, and assumed it was one of Shakespeare's less popular plays for a reason. I was mistaken. It is funny, touching, intelligent and has a great plot! 

There is talk of it moving to Broadway, and if that's the case, make it a must see on your New York list!


What's your fruit?

Today was a rather dull day at work. So to spruce things up, we decided to start playing a game called "what fruit are you?" We decided quickly that Andre was an vibrant orange, and that Ursula was a subdued plum.

Allowing no time for other's to think of his fruit, my friend Corey said "I'm a prune". 

"A prune? Why on earth would you call yourself a prune?!"

"Because" he responded,  "At first I am really great and over time I shrivel up and become shrewd. Also, I make people run. And let's face it- I'm only good in small doses." 

He smiled, and walked away as all of us burst into laughter! Only Corey would be so blunt.

A few minutes later as we all once again gathered around the bar, someone said "what fruit is Courtney?" Corey didn't miss a beat.

"She's a mango. A ripe and juicy mango just waiting to be harvested- girl get yourself a husband cause you are SOOOO ready to be married!"

I'm beginning to think Corey's talent for guessing people's fruit is dead on ;)


Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens....

Here are a few of my favorite things from the past week:

1. I bought new pillows!

2. I hung a strand of white christmas lights across my open brick wall in my apartment... it makes me feel like there is a little bit of christmas all year round :)

3. Today in church I was reminded of how much I love being Mormon. I really do believe the church is true and love it with all my heart. 

4. I am slowly gaining a testimony that by small means are great things accomplished.

5. I finally got to see my friend Cameron in Promises Promises! She was great and so was the rest of the cast!

6. I had a wonderful reunion evening with my dear bestie Laura Buckner... I am always amazed at how much of an amazing woman she is!

Cheers to next week!


Air Conditioning

This morning as I awoke I noticed something extremely different about how I felt: I was rested.

You see, I have not had an air conditioner at all. Life was fine in the winter and more than doable in the spring; however, once it started reaching 98 with 66% humidity I felt like I was baking alive in my bedroom. 

I finally sucked it up and forked out the $100 for an air conditioner... and IT IS THE BEST INVESTMENT OF THE YEAR!

No more sweaty sleepless nights for me!! 


I don't understand...

I can't wrap my mind around my own mind right now.

These are the thoughts that have been swirling around in this head of mine for the past few days, and other than the cold I am currently suffering from, it's making my head hurt.

1. I want to be an actor... but it's so much to battle for me I just don't know if I can do it.

2. I hate that I am surrounded by selfish people. I hate that my friends whom I want to be surrounded by have husbands and don't plausibly have time for me. I hate that people won't even know i'm feeling this way because they won't take the time to ask how I am doing.

3. I hate being sick.

4. I hate my life right now. I'm swimming in a confused sea of thoughts, feelings and such sadness.

5. I just want to leave. I want to leave New York and start all over again... it stinks that there isn't a re-do button in life.

6. I wish people understood that when you tell someone you don't enjoy their art, you are saying in so many words, you don't enjoy them.

7. I hate that i'm so dramatic.

8. I really hate that i'm so dramatic.

9. I so badly want someone in my life who cares enough about me, to make my feelings a priority. I'm no ones priority and that's a lonely place to be.

10. I hate facebook, but it's a good networking tool... eugh... I really hate facebook though.

This post isn't meant to ignite pity or worry, it's just how I feel and if I don't throw it out there in the universe, if I don't tell someone, i'm going to scream.


Where is the love?

I learned a very big lesson today about myself.

I am  selfish. (Don't be too shocked)

I used to be one of the most unselfish people I know. I gave constantly of myself to my friends and acquaintances, never feeling bad that I rarely received much in return. One day, it was brought to my attention  that the world calls this concept 'being taken advantage of'. From that moment on, I have fought a battle of putting myself first and how miserable it has been!

I was made acutely aware of how low I have digressed today. Upon realizing my dear friend's Grandmother had passed away; I was more upset that she had not personally called to inform me of this occurrence, than the fact that one of my best friends had lost her closest relative

After a couple minutes of self pity I was smacked back into reality by a small voice that preached love. Where is your love Courtney?

Good question. Where is it?

I've decided it's time to regain the love I felt for others. I've spent time living life where I gave all I had to anyone who asked for it. I've also spent time closing off my heart and only giving my love to those who proved they are worth it. In the end, it's better to love everyone. If I choose to love everyone I'll be so much happier in the end.

Like Mother Theresa said: I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.


Is 1 really the lonliest number?

1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome
2.destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship,intercourse, support
3.remote from places of human habitation; desolate;unfrequented; bleak
4.standing apart; isolated

 1.     separate, apart, or isolated from others: I want to be alone.

to the exclusion of all others or all else: One cannot live bybread alone.
unique; unequaled; unexcelled: He is alone among his peersin devotion to duty.
Lately i've been thinking a lot about loneliness. Perhaps it's because for the first time in my life, I truly feel lonely. I feel alone in every sense of the word, yet ironically I am surrounded by people. 

My Mom seems to feel that it's because i'm ready for a male companion... maybe I am? Eugh- aren't you supposed to know these things?

I think it actually stems from the fact that I can't calm down and choose one path. I can't decide who I want to be. 

I'm too 'Mormon' for more college friends yet I feel like i'm not 'Mormon' enough for my church friends. I'm too fit to be in the lazy-fat kids club, but not in shape enough to be friends with the fit kids. I'm talented enough to hang around with talented people, but not driven enough to push myself to keep up with the successful ones. I'm single, so most of my married friends don't have time for me; and explain this to me: I love acting but hate most actors.

This may sound depressing, and I don't mean it to be. I'm just writing out loud:

Am I lonely because I can't pick a group and stick with it?

Reading through the definitions posted above, I hate what they say. I loathe that they perfectly and accurately describe how i've felt for awhile. I'm sick of being lonely but I can't help but wonder: am I the only one to blame for feelings of neglect and destitution?