1.16.2010

Here I come!!

I've just spent the past 6 months planning for Graduate School auditions. 

I got all the paper work together, recruited old professors for recommendations, spent ridiculous amounts of hours deliberating over which monologues to choose.

 It all lead me to the past two days where I spent the entire morning/afternoon auditioning. 

I took a break from acting for a year to get my life in order. I needed the opportunity to find myself. I needed to get a check on my spirituality, physicality, and beliefs about the world in general. In short- I needed a break from pretending to be other people, so I could find out who I am. Over the year and a half that I've lived in NYC, I've learned a lot about myself. In fact, I'm kind of sick of myself ;) 

Although this year 'off' actually sent me spiraling in the opposite direction, I am so thankful for the decision I made. I wouldn't change it for anything.

This brings us back to the past few days. I've spent all this time preparing and was actually extremely excited for the chance to have a real audition. 

I felt great about both of them. Should I win an academy award for the performances? No. Have I made progress since graduating from college... probably not. However, I got back out there and did it. I felt like the underdog, the injured sports player that people weren't expecting back out on the court. I felt wonderful.

I didn't even get a call back. Not one. Which means all 6 months of work really were for nothing, right? (I still have one audition for one school left- but with my track record right now I'm slightly predicting the future.) 

Wrong. I am back in the game now. I still have a lot of things to figure out, a lot of things to improve, and a heck of a lot of things to trudge through before I find success. However, you can believe me when I say.... watch out world- Courtney 2010 is coming!!


"Impossible is nothing. 
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it.
 Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion.
 Impossible  is not a declaration. It's a dare. 
Impossible is potential. 
Impossible is temporary. 
Impossible is nothing."

1.01.2010

Cheers for a New Year!

I'm not quite sure what boggles my brain more; the fact that another year has already passed by, or the idea of what this new year can hold in store.

Last year was difficult, and by no means a year I would be dying to repeat. However, I learned a lot from it and I felt in the end, it served it's purpose. Now the idea of 2010 is really exciting to me. I've never been this excited about a year before. Everyone seems to think that 2010 is their year. As if the 'gods' somehow decided this was the year of fruitful blessings for all. 

Herein lies the problem with New Year's Resolutions. We somehow feel that we are entitled to a sudden desire/urge to become successful as soon as the clock strikes midnight. This is what I have failed to focus on in the past: what am I going to do to make this year better than the last. 

I have the power to make this year great- no one else. I have the control to keep the promises I make to myself- no one else. That's why this year I want to strive to simply do what I say i'm going to do. No excuses, no white lies to get out of things. I'm going to follow through on things I have control over.

I am filled with optimistic anticipation for the future. This year will be grand, because I am going to treat myself the way I deserve to be treated. I will stand up for myself, and not allow others to wrong me. I absolutely LOVE COURTNEY 2010 :)

Happy New Year!