Favorite Scripture of the moment:

Mosiah 4:27 (In the Book of Mormon)

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

It got me thinking of some very key things:

1. What are my "prizes"?

2. Are they worth a diligent and sometimes slow journey to achieve?

3. Why is it so hard to live a balanced life? It is true after all, the saying "by small means are great things accomplished".


The Merchant of Venice

Every summer The Public (a very reputable theatre company in NYC) puts on a couple of free shows--one of which is usually a Shakespearean piece-- for the good people of New York, appropriately called Shakespeare in the Park

It takes place in Central Park in a gorgeous outdoor amphitheatre which over looks the lake and a castle. 

Tickets are insane to get ahold of. If there is a big celebrity name in the show, it's nearly impossible to accomplish obtaining good tickets. Because they are completely free, you have to wait in line or buy them off of scalpers for outrageous sums. 

One of my best friends Aaron Pratt and our mutual friend Wes Curtis waited in line starting at 10:30pm Thursday night, for tickets to be given out for the Friday night show, the following morning at 11am. By the time they found their place in the line, it was already 3 blocks long! They spent the night on the streets of New York to get these tickets!?

I was most graciously asked to attend as Aaron's date (you are allowed up to 2 tickets per person) and hastily agreed. It only runs for 1 more week and I certainly don't want to wait in line all night for my own ticket!

The show? Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice.

Some of the cast?

I met the boys at the entrance to Central Park, we entered the beautiful auditorium and found our seats with 10 minutes till top of show. About 15 minutes into the show, clouds started rolling in with a lot of thunder and lightning. Withing minutes the rain began pouring down and the show was "paused" until further notice. The four of us pulled out our umbrellas and huddled together during what felt like a mini hurricane! It was pouring rain, thundering, lightning and the wind was howling: we were soaked! We waited it out (thankfully) and were happy to find that one hour later, Al Pacino came back on stage and started with the same line he'd finished with. Of course this was met with a huge applause from the audience and a smile from him :)

The show was phenomenal, the set was breathtaking and innovative, and Al Pacino's acting brought tears to my eyes several times. More than anything, I was shocked to find how much I like the show itself. I had never read nor seen a production of this show, and assumed it was one of Shakespeare's less popular plays for a reason. I was mistaken. It is funny, touching, intelligent and has a great plot! 

There is talk of it moving to Broadway, and if that's the case, make it a must see on your New York list!


What's your fruit?

Today was a rather dull day at work. So to spruce things up, we decided to start playing a game called "what fruit are you?" We decided quickly that Andre was an vibrant orange, and that Ursula was a subdued plum.

Allowing no time for other's to think of his fruit, my friend Corey said "I'm a prune". 

"A prune? Why on earth would you call yourself a prune?!"

"Because" he responded,  "At first I am really great and over time I shrivel up and become shrewd. Also, I make people run. And let's face it- I'm only good in small doses." 

He smiled, and walked away as all of us burst into laughter! Only Corey would be so blunt.

A few minutes later as we all once again gathered around the bar, someone said "what fruit is Courtney?" Corey didn't miss a beat.

"She's a mango. A ripe and juicy mango just waiting to be harvested- girl get yourself a husband cause you are SOOOO ready to be married!"

I'm beginning to think Corey's talent for guessing people's fruit is dead on ;)


Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens....

Here are a few of my favorite things from the past week:

1. I bought new pillows!

2. I hung a strand of white christmas lights across my open brick wall in my apartment... it makes me feel like there is a little bit of christmas all year round :)

3. Today in church I was reminded of how much I love being Mormon. I really do believe the church is true and love it with all my heart. 

4. I am slowly gaining a testimony that by small means are great things accomplished.

5. I finally got to see my friend Cameron in Promises Promises! She was great and so was the rest of the cast!

6. I had a wonderful reunion evening with my dear bestie Laura Buckner... I am always amazed at how much of an amazing woman she is!

Cheers to next week!


Air Conditioning

This morning as I awoke I noticed something extremely different about how I felt: I was rested.

You see, I have not had an air conditioner at all. Life was fine in the winter and more than doable in the spring; however, once it started reaching 98 with 66% humidity I felt like I was baking alive in my bedroom. 

I finally sucked it up and forked out the $100 for an air conditioner... and IT IS THE BEST INVESTMENT OF THE YEAR!

No more sweaty sleepless nights for me!! 


I don't understand...

I can't wrap my mind around my own mind right now.

These are the thoughts that have been swirling around in this head of mine for the past few days, and other than the cold I am currently suffering from, it's making my head hurt.

1. I want to be an actor... but it's so much to battle for me I just don't know if I can do it.

2. I hate that I am surrounded by selfish people. I hate that my friends whom I want to be surrounded by have husbands and don't plausibly have time for me. I hate that people won't even know i'm feeling this way because they won't take the time to ask how I am doing.

3. I hate being sick.

4. I hate my life right now. I'm swimming in a confused sea of thoughts, feelings and such sadness.

5. I just want to leave. I want to leave New York and start all over again... it stinks that there isn't a re-do button in life.

6. I wish people understood that when you tell someone you don't enjoy their art, you are saying in so many words, you don't enjoy them.

7. I hate that i'm so dramatic.

8. I really hate that i'm so dramatic.

9. I so badly want someone in my life who cares enough about me, to make my feelings a priority. I'm no ones priority and that's a lonely place to be.

10. I hate facebook, but it's a good networking tool... eugh... I really hate facebook though.

This post isn't meant to ignite pity or worry, it's just how I feel and if I don't throw it out there in the universe, if I don't tell someone, i'm going to scream.


Where is the love?

I learned a very big lesson today about myself.

I am  selfish. (Don't be too shocked)

I used to be one of the most unselfish people I know. I gave constantly of myself to my friends and acquaintances, never feeling bad that I rarely received much in return. One day, it was brought to my attention  that the world calls this concept 'being taken advantage of'. From that moment on, I have fought a battle of putting myself first and how miserable it has been!

I was made acutely aware of how low I have digressed today. Upon realizing my dear friend's Grandmother had passed away; I was more upset that she had not personally called to inform me of this occurrence, than the fact that one of my best friends had lost her closest relative

After a couple minutes of self pity I was smacked back into reality by a small voice that preached love. Where is your love Courtney?

Good question. Where is it?

I've decided it's time to regain the love I felt for others. I've spent time living life where I gave all I had to anyone who asked for it. I've also spent time closing off my heart and only giving my love to those who proved they are worth it. In the end, it's better to love everyone. If I choose to love everyone I'll be so much happier in the end.

Like Mother Theresa said: I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.


Is 1 really the lonliest number?

1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome
2.destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship,intercourse, support
3.remote from places of human habitation; desolate;unfrequented; bleak
4.standing apart; isolated

 1.     separate, apart, or isolated from others: I want to be alone.

to the exclusion of all others or all else: One cannot live bybread alone.
unique; unequaled; unexcelled: He is alone among his peersin devotion to duty.
Lately i've been thinking a lot about loneliness. Perhaps it's because for the first time in my life, I truly feel lonely. I feel alone in every sense of the word, yet ironically I am surrounded by people. 

My Mom seems to feel that it's because i'm ready for a male companion... maybe I am? Eugh- aren't you supposed to know these things?

I think it actually stems from the fact that I can't calm down and choose one path. I can't decide who I want to be. 

I'm too 'Mormon' for more college friends yet I feel like i'm not 'Mormon' enough for my church friends. I'm too fit to be in the lazy-fat kids club, but not in shape enough to be friends with the fit kids. I'm talented enough to hang around with talented people, but not driven enough to push myself to keep up with the successful ones. I'm single, so most of my married friends don't have time for me; and explain this to me: I love acting but hate most actors.

This may sound depressing, and I don't mean it to be. I'm just writing out loud:

Am I lonely because I can't pick a group and stick with it?

Reading through the definitions posted above, I hate what they say. I loathe that they perfectly and accurately describe how i've felt for awhile. I'm sick of being lonely but I can't help but wonder: am I the only one to blame for feelings of neglect and destitution?