3.13.2011

Be Still My Soul


Be Still My Soul
The Lord is on Thy Side....


Oh how my soul has been restless over the past week. I've always been told that before your mission is hard due to the overtime Satan starts putting in to knock you off your path. Well ladies and gentlemen, I am his full time job right now.

My inadequacies are magnified so greatly right now, especially my common mistakes. Satan is making sure that guilt is becoming a dear friend of mine once more and sucking my soul down with it. Today at church I couldn't shake the sad feeling that I didn't belong among such wonderful people, that I was a hypocrite. If only people knew the real me, they wouldn't be so nice to me... a voice in my head kept repeating. What does that even mean? I'm a good person inside and out, it's just not what Satan wants me to believe.

I was able to have the most amazing conversation with my sister this afternoon in which she shared some profound wisdom. I love it when people get me thinking the way she did. I explained to her my mistakes that were causing me guilt, the feelings of inadequacy and how my mission seemed so impossible right now. After a brief pause she said "Do you remember the story of the adulterous woman from the scriptures?"


Here it is:


"And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
4They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
5Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
6This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
8And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
9And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
10When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
11She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

My sister pointed out that often we are the accusers of ourselves. We tend to call out our imperfections and criticize our flaws; it is as if we are standing before the Lord and saying: "see! I'm not perfect! I do this wrong, and that wrong, and I committed this many sins. I'm not worthy of your grace." (As if to test God, seeing if he will turn his back on us.) Instead, he offers the same advice to us as he did to the Adulterous woman. "Neither do I condemn thee: Go and sin no more".

Corrine then offered her pearls of wisdom. She encouraged me to stop trying to be perfect. She said "you don't have to be humble 100% of the time to still have the attribute of humility. Try your hardest and look forward Courtney. Stop letting your mistakes keep you from achieving your best in the present. Don't condemn yourself because God certainly hasn't".

Today I am thankful for such a wise younger sister who helped pull out of the sadness I was feeling, and helped me to realize that I am a daughter of God. A God that loves me no matter what I do.

3 comments :

  1. i agree with your sister 100%. such great advice. i'll be thinking of you...

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  2. thanks for not plagiarizing :) just kidding! seriously though... it was all god, AND you...... you are the BEST!!!! KEEP IT UP! satan ain't going to win this battle!

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