Change brings opportunity...hopefully

When evaluating my mere 26 years on this earth, I simply see more failures than successes. That's not a negative way of reacting to my life (even though you may think it's a harsh conclusion) it's just honest.

Some say I expect too much from myself. Others say I need to focus on celebrating my accomplishments instead of reliving my failures. And then there are those who are just like me- not happy with their past but unsure of how to move forward in the future.

For the past 10 years i've had an 'idea' of this woman I want to be. She's not 100% different from who i've always been, but she's pretty close to 75%. I've spent so long yearning for this difference that i've got everything mapped out. I know how long certain goals will take, and how much others will cost.

So i've got this picture of who I want to be, and I know how to achieve it... what's holding me up?

Well, there's always the issue of money and time. It costs money to achieve a lot of the goals I have, and so much time to work the others. However, lately I've been thinking the biggest problem may be the support I have had in Cary, Greenville, and NYC.

I have been so grateful to have a number of people that love and support me, but here's my question: Is that support helping or hindering?

There is a difference between "You're wonderful the way you are" and "how are your goals going and what can I do to help you achieve them?"

I believe this is an aspect of friendships and relationships that we tend to neglect. A true friendship moves forward and allows both of you to work towards, and achieve goals. How often are we moving forward, and not progressing.

Just as Ellen Glasglow said: "All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward."

I've decided to move to Seattle and live with a dear friend until the end of the year. It's a chance for me to renew my goals, work on myself, be a little selfish, and hopefully finally reach the goals i've had for over 10 years.


  1. How exciting! I hope that you gain everything you want to from this experience!!! Much much love to you.

  2. We will miss you here. One thought...I remember hitting a point where I thought, 'I'm 30 years old...shouldn't I be more...shouldn't I have some of these weaknesses fixed?!'. Someone wise reminded me that I needed to "believe Jesus" -- that's different from believing "in". I already believed in Jesus Christ and now I needed to believe Him - believe Him when he says that he loves me. I needed to believe that change was happening...ever so slowly, but happening. I needed to believe that even though the change was slow, it was enough. I needed to be patient with myself. I needed to learn to love myself - still working on these.

    So...enjoy some time away - be patient with yourself, love yourself (even your weaknesses), believe that your efforts are enough...keep growing!

    I love you!