3.30.2015

Conversations With Me.


3.04.2015

Fairy Tales...

The Webster Dictionary's definition of fairytale is the following:

 1. A story (as for children) involving fantastic forces and beings (as fairies, wizards, and goblins) —      
      called also fairy story
 2. A story in which improbable events lead to a happy ending 
  
 3. A made-up story usually designed to mislead

I'm here today to tell you, I bought into the fairytale and I was mislead.

Now don't get me wrong. I love a good romance. Whether it be fictional or non, in any form of entertainment or real life. I loved dreaming of what it would be like to have Prince Charming come and rescue me; because honestly, how awesome would that be? No really, think about it. When you're rescued in a fairy tale, you don't have to do any work. You sit there in distress, and someone swoops in and fixes everything. Let's stop for a second and return to the definition of fairytale: "a made up story usually designed to mislead." Houston, we've got a problem. Well actually, I've got a bunch.

Here's a question: How is it a fair assumption that if I get myself into a load of trouble, that I can automatically count on someone else rescuing me?  It's not. The problem with fairytales is they preach the ideal that we don't have to do anything but get ourselves into trouble, and then we suddenly deserve to be dug out. Of course the argument can be made that princesses usually possess virtues that are becoming of a woman who deserves rescuing. But in the real world, that's not enough. I know plenty of amazing women who are still waiting to be saved.



 I lived the majority of my 20's waiting for my Prince to come. Even though in every instance, they were completely wrong for me, there were several men that I made sure would be well equipped for the job of 'hero'. I set them up for much success with all the proper tools to dig me out of the ditches I had flung myself into. Or so I thought. Those poor men. They had no idea that they were just a part of a little unintentional game that I like to call 'self sabotage'. I was completely settled into my role as the sleeping princess, or as I like to bluntly call it, the victim. And I was good at it, some may venture to say I was practically a professional, because I so desperately wanted to be that damsel in distress. I yearned to be the slumbering Princess that was only awoken by true loves kiss. So I waited. And I slept. And then one day, on the realization that my 30th birthday was fast approaching, I woke up. Because guess what? No one was coming to rescue me.  Part of the feminine allure we've been led to believe from the beginning of mankind,  is that a strong woman is a turn off for a man. My Grandma has been known to tell me to "quiet my opinions" for fear of scaring off the menfolk. I hate to tell you Grandma, but I actually think it's the opposite. I finally realized that there's nothing sad about being your own hero.  There's nothing pathetic about rescuing yourself. What comes from that rescue is strength. A strength that those Prince Charmings out there actually find a lot more attractive than a withering flower. Once I woke up, I realized that the slumber I had thrown myself into wasn't about a man, it was so much more than that. It was a way for me to hide, so that those men worthy enough to be my Prince, never found me. Because I did not believe that I was worthy to be found. So I sat up, dusted myself off, shakily began getting out of that coffin (I had contracted those men to build for me) and fell flat on my face. You try sleeping for ten years and then gracefully exiting your sleeping chambers! The good news is, instead of letting that send me right back into another self loathing induced coma, I marched on. Don't misconstrue my advice. I am not suggesting we get caught up in our own ego and pride. You can be humble, meek and strong all at the same time. But do you know what happens to people that are asleep for years? They become a doormat that is walked all over and forgotten, because they aren't awake to defend themselves. I hadn't fought for myself in years.

Look, there's a sadness that comes from playing the role of the victim, or a sleeping Princess... because there's no truth to it. No one, who is forcing themselves to fit into this idea, is honoring their purpose. Instead, you're actively denying the thing that you were specifically chosen to achieve on this earth. Thus perpetuating the vicious cycle of self hatred, depression and anxiety.


This may seem like a very feminist post, and in a way it is. But can we put to rest the misconception that feminism means man hating.... because it doesn't. It means equality. I don't believe that men and women are the same. We have different unique and beautiful qualities in us all, but we deserve to be on equal playing fields. In both directions. Not only is it not fair for us to 'hide our candle under a bushel' so to speak, but it's also unfair to expect a man to be carrying our dead weight when we can do it ourselves! Enough with placing men on pedestals. They don't want to be there, and if they do, they certainly won't be the Prince Charming you think they are. I'm not saying that I am too good for a man, or that I don't need anyone else's help. I'm a human being for crying out loud, I need all the help I can get. But I need it, once I've worked my hardest and have come up short. Because I will come up short.

I am writing this story today to tell you what I've learned in hopes that it will help awaken some more sleeping Princesses out there. My story is important, because now I can proudly say: I am the woman who woke herself up. I am the woman who drug herself by the bootstraps out of the coffin. I am the woman that decided I was enough just as I am...because I am. It's as simple as that. The world needs women who are worthy and willing to stand in strength and surety, in confidence and valor, in love and compassion. Women who know their worth and are not willing to settle for anything less than what they deserve. I am so excited to meet my future husband. For I will be able to stand confidently before him and say "I'm all in. I've done the work. I've moved my own mountains, and now i'm ready to be your partner in life. We can tackle all the obstacles and amazing happenings that life has in store for us. I will need help, and you will too, and likely they will be at different points. But I've got your back. My armor is on, my shield is ready, my sword is sharpened and i'm ready to fight beside you."